Last night I came home after a Wednesday in Lent. Sometimes it seems a little tiring I worked a full day went and grabbed Jacob and we ate at church and went to church.

I am not sure which takes more energy to get ready to preach and then preach or to take care of 1 year old while someone else is preaching. Regardless I came home and was a little tired and only found that so was Jacob. Except when he is tired he fights it and tries to battle me with everything. He finally agreed to fall asleep. I think we saw eye to eye.

Anyway I sat down since I had been up late the last couple nights and just turned the channels to find a show. I turned it to Fight Club I haven't seen that movie in awhile. As a person who loves twists my eyes were even more focused on how they did the camera work to make sure they could never be seen as 2 characters at the end. It is amazing the lines they put in their like, "For some reason this reminded me of the first time I fought Tyler," and so on. They were making sure at the end you knew they were the same people. I am amazed as I looked so closely this time for flaws and it is amazing how they made sure there weren't any.

I finally agreed to fall asleep and closed my eyes. I awoke to my wife coming out to the living room and saying, "What are you doing?"

When you fall asleep to a movie like the wake up can be odd. I woke up wondering what was I doing and who am I? It was like I had my fight club moment for a second and wondered what am I doing? I finally reoriented and realized I was just on the couch and had fallen asleep to fight club so I must have had some weird dream about double personalities.

I finally went to bed until I woke up to my washing machine started acting like a jet engine...a little 4:30 am clothes washing for Mindy. But that is a story for another time.

I think we struggle with how can a person have 2 sides. How can Ed Norton be both characters in fight club. They look and act completely different. Brad Pitt is all cut and looks super cool but yet many of his actions are questionable. Yet I woke up feeling like I was a different person...

Falling alseep on that made me think is that really that far off? Maybe I am intrigued because it is more possible than I think. Are there times I act way different from who people think I am? Sure I can have 2 sides. No doubt.

Yet I don't like it. It bothers me well not completely. At first it is nice to put it neatly in the Sinner and Saint model (for those that don't know we are born sinners but Christ made us saints basically we were messed up and he fixed us but both sides still show). The problem with the sinner and saint model is it is too clean for this kind of thinking. We all have things we wish we were better at that we just aren't. I guess you could trace it back to the fall of man and our sin but their are just some ways we are created different.

Some of Brad Pitt character was just things Ed wanted to more like. He wanted to be cooler and more relaxed about life. If you remember he was going to all these group sessions because he was constantly in pain. There are several scenes where Brad talks about his dad and while he had a hard life he was just able to talk about it. Ed wanted to be more like that. Was that a bad thing?

There is something to be said about being happy with who we are but wanting to change things and work on things is not bad. Yet this can over take our minds. And before we know it we let the devil in and win. He is the one beating us up, and we believe his lies. I hate the devil, but we must continue to fight in this life. Keep fighting the good fight.