Seeing Today for What it is

Every time I have faced change in my life, the first requirement has always been seeing today for what it is.  I am sure people could argue with me that I must first grieve.  But honestly, how can we grieve if we don’t truly see today for what it is?  We get stuck in a merry-go-round of grief if we don’t see today for what it is.

When I went to college I missed being home.  There was a bond I had with my mom because of our relationship, and what my family had been through.  There were days when I felt alone.  I had this feeling in my gut that things just didn’t feel right.  The problem was that I couldn’t get over it.  I would call home hoping that would fix it, but I found that didn’t help.  I would eat something that reminded me of home and discover that didn’t cure it.  Then I would cry, or mope and it still wouldn’t get any better.  All along I was missing the whole point.  I was looking for a solution when I hadn’t determined what the issue was.  I couldn’t see today for what it was.  I had dreamed of college.  I wanted this experience, but I couldn’t enjoy it because of this feeling in my gut.  I couldn’t find peace because I wasn’t willing to see today.  Being in college meant that my family and I were going to be apart, and that   the security, peace and comfort of my surroundings were gone.  Years later I experienced the same feeling again as I went on vicarage/internship.  I remember how I felt as Mom and Rod pulled away from my apartment in Chattanooga.  I did the same thing--I moped, and cried, and ate, and called.  It was like I had fallen into the same pattern.  And Rod, in his very fatherly voice, asked, “Why do you feel so alone?   You have the girlfriend that you always wanted, and you are doing ministry. What’s your problem?”

How could I have the same feelings with the settings, time, age, and stage in life all being different?  I missed the point--I wasn’t seeing today for what it was.  This was about me. This was about me understanding who God created me to be. This was about asking myself, “Where do I find comfort?”  I even remember after looking back after my college days, and thinking there was something I loved about those first weeks of independence.  I even valued the feelings of loneliness.  But looking back, I couldn’t even see that day for what it was.  If I did, I would have discovered what made me tick.  I would have seen what God created me to be.

Since we are living with my in-laws temporarily, my kids come in and watch TV in Mindy’s and my room while I get ready and then get them ready for the day. We eat breakfast first, pack lunches, and then head upstairs.  But they know Dad is going to make the bed before they can get up on it and watch TV.  My kids realize that this is the way Dad operates.  My systems have to be in place for me to feel peace.  What changed for me in college and on vicarage/internship?

When my college life developed into systems, I found peace.  That was true when my clothes were organized, my stereo in the right place, my church choice made, and I knew who I could talk with about life.  The same thing happened on vicarage, when I knew what I time I worked out everyday, what my work hours were, when I had my apartment organized, and who I called when I needed to talk, I felt comfortable.  I was missing the point both times.  I didn’t understand what was making me have that uneasy feeling in my gut.  I believed it was based upon a setting, place, or people.  But I missed how to see what was happening to me today and I misdiagnosed how to address it.

           

As we begin a series on change, I don’t want us to miss the fact that this happens to all of us in multiple contexts even if we resist it.  Life changes quickly, and understanding the way God made each of us helps to provide the peace we need to see today for what it is, and embrace the changes God has for us.  The disciples of Christ knew after three years with Jesus that His death and resurrection were turning points.   And while our text will lead us to believe that all was good with them, they were seeing today for what it was and preparing for the change ahead.