Tough Topics

One thing I was constantly stressing over while I was in youth ministry was having conversations on tough topics.  No matter the subject--sex, cussing, friends, drugs, or whatever--these are hard conversations to have.  Often people wanted the youth ministry silver bullet.  They were often disappointed when there wasn’t one.  These issues developed from the pains of sin in this life, and the only way to get through them was to have challenging talks about the growth of the Holy Spirit and God’s guidance.  The more these topics are in the air, the better they are more readily discussed.  Ready discussion is important because it means when the situation arises the person is willing to talk about it.  I realize it is much easier to set up rules, and ways to follow them, and hope they are never breeched.  But the truth is that one way or another a difficult subject will arise, and whether your kid, spouse, or friend is willing to talk to you is the question.  If we portray ourselves as flawless and put up a front, we find that those conversations won’t happen, and will only create a further struggle.

            A few weeks ago I was preparing for worship with help of a faithful extraordinary servant.  This person looked at me and asked what lesson I was going to teach this week.  The Gospel reading focused on murder, adultery, divorce, and oaths.  The question was asked, “Are you going to preach on those topics?”  I drew back for a second and thought about it.  “Yeah,” I said.  “Wow,” was the response.  It made me think for a minute and second guess myself.

            Growing up we had two ways of responding to many of these tough topics. My dad was “hard nosed and in my face.”  My mom was a “lead by example” person.  I am not sure either of these examples was great, but somehow they created a balance in my brother, sisters and me.  Of course we look to Jesus for the ultimate example—the one who is ready to talk about it, and obviously the one who is ready to lead by example.

            Someone once said to me, “If you set high goals, there is a greater chance that your kids will meet your expectations.”  At first I didn’t agree with that, because of the legalistic way my dad handled many of these tough topics.  But through time and being a father to my own kids, I understand the comment outside of my history.  My expectations are high for my kids, but I also attempt to set my love at a high standard.  What do I mean?   Mindy’s family is a big clan.   A couple times when we have been out to eat with our extended family, Abby has been all over the place and has a hard time sitting.  I realize that she is two, but I know what she is trained to do at home.  I expect her to sit.  The boys know my expectations and have learned to sit and talk with their cousins.  At home, if I find myself spending too much time preparing a meal and not enough time being engaged with my kids, I am critical of myself in the fact I need to make sure I am involved with them.  I say all this because Jesus knew that as we grew in the Spirit, the Holy Spirit would shape us to be His people.  And He was clear about what was and is expected of us.  At the same time, Jesus died on the cross to take away our sins.  His deep love is there to rescue us whenever we miss the mark.  Tough topics make us stronger, aware of our sin; and at the end of the day they draw us to the cross and to Jesus.