Electing Values Elected: Caring

I often tell people that there are two jobs in life we all think we know how to do: marriage and parenting. This leads to funny conversations with friends because most of the time we try and figure out how the other person handles their marriage and how they raise their kids. If we see really good kids, we ask them what they do. This happened to me a few weeks ago when a friend of mine told me his wife still wants more kids but he doesn’t know how to live life and parent more kids. He said to me, “Will, how do you do it?” (We are going to meet later this month to discuss things I have learned.)

I must give credit where credit is due. Mindy is fabulous at helping my kids behave in church, respect others, and be considerate. One of her specialties is helping the kids say thank you, especially to me. You heard me right.  If we take the kids to the park, or out for ice cream or some other activity, they are taught to thank even me. Now, why in the world would they thank me? The answer is simple: it is a gift that they receive out of care and love.  They are being taught not to assume that I should do this for them. We rarely think about it, but the attitude of assuming things will be done for us is where entitlement begins. It starts simply by thinking that parents should do things for their kids, i.e. you are supposed to get me new clothes because you are my parent. If we are honest with ourselves, we see that sin leads parents to want to be selfish. Just look at the examples you have seen in the news of parents who have abandoned their families or have fallen into an addiction that makes them absent. Sin leads us down the path of pulling away from the gifts God has given parents (their children) and the responsibilities that come with those gifts. But as parents grow in Jesus, they can see how parenthood is really a gift.

Sometimes we forget to remind our kids that it is also a gift that our most basic needs are provided for us. Martin Luther reminds us of this in the explanation to the Lord’s Prayer in the Small Catechism as he tells us to be thankful for our “daily bread,” which includes “food, drink, clothing, shoes, house, home, land, animals, money goods, a devout husband/wife, devout children, etc.” This is a lesson even the children of Israel had to relearn, as they complained to God about so many things in the desert, even going so far as to say they wished they were back in slavery. Mindy’s practice to help my kids be thankful for every tiny thing in life is brilliant. It is teaching that all good gifts come from God, and that if you have a parent thinking of you, that is a blessing. My kids’ eyes are open to the tiniest gifts in life, and I get to watch that translate into their dialogue with others.

Does this same problem of entitlement permeate other areas of life? I believe so.  I believe caregivers are a highly abused group of people. Want proof?  Think about how churches are abused by social ministry. A church, a group of people who love Jesus and want to help, can be abused by a needy person taking advantage of the system. How do we know which story is true and which is false? There is an assumption, just like with children and parents, that this is what churches are supposed to do. I’ve even had people say that to me, that we are supposed to help them because we are a church. Sin has caused us to feel entitled and selfish, and therefore we abuse those who care for us.

This week we talk about caring. Unlike the other weeks, I start this with more of a cautionary word as opposed to a push to think how we could care more. That cautionary word brings us to care in very powerful ways. This is one area that, if we had the eyes of Jesus, it would be much easier to know who needs care and who doesn’t. Yet, we have to be careful not to fall on the other side and get so disenchanted we don’t want to care about anyone. This week the little Johns (2 John) talk about care, but also acknowledges the deceivers. This helps as we use the gifts God has given us to care for others, but also to take time to learn who needs that care and where our gifts can be best served.